


You're Distracting

by Pemdas_24



Category: Phandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Awkwardness and Fluff, Bromance to Romance, M/M, Phil and Dan are still flatmates, and some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-10-30
Packaged: 2018-02-18 01:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 15,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2330525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pemdas_24/pseuds/Pemdas_24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil noticed he was staring again. </p>
<p>There was something about Dan's eyes that was different now and Phil stared back at him trying to figure it out. What was making Dan look at him like that?</p>
<p>"See? Now you're staring," Phil whispered.</p>
<p>"Hmm...so are you."</p>
<p>___________________</p>
<p>A fic where Phil just wants to know why Dan keeps staring at him.<br/>And the answer makes things a lot more complicated than he thought it would.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote this multi-chapter story a _long_ time ago.  
>  I'll have to go back and edit the short thirteen chapters I already have, but I figured I'd post it up here as we go along.  
> Besides, I didn't give the story an ending yet so we'll see where this goes.  
> Anyway, blah, blah, blah...I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> P.S. Kudos and comments will be greatly appreciated! :)

Dan was always staring at him.

Phil found it both endearing and annoying at the same time. He didn't know why Dan was doing it so he was a bit self conscious at first. Maybe Dan was staring at something on his face or there was something wrong with his hair. Maybe he buttoned his shirt wrong or the zipper of his jeans fell down again like it always did. But after days of thoroughly checking himself over for these things, Phil didn't find anything worth staring at. So what was it? 

The staring didn't particularly bother him, except when they were filming and Phil couldn't tell whether his flatmate was talking to him or his audience, but he wanted to know why. They had been right in the middle of filming a collab video when he noticed it. 

Dan was staring again. 

Phil couldn't take not knowing why anymore. He surprised them both by blurting that out in perfect Phil fashion.

"Why do you always stare at me?" 

"What?" Dan wasn't staring anymore. In fact his eyes were busy looking at anything and everything other than Phil and he started picking at the hem of his shirt. "I wasn't staring."

"Yeah, you were. You have been. Is there something on my face?"

"You mean besides your eyebrows, eyes, nose, mouth, and cat whiskers? No."

"What happened to my ears?" 

Dan smirked and met his gaze again. "Your hair covers your ears, they could've disappeared for all I know," he reached over and lifted up Phil's hair to check, "nope, they're still there." He tugged on an earlobe before ruffling his dark hair back into place. Dan was being cute.

Phil smiled and almost forgot about the question. Almost. "Seriously Dan, why do you keep staring at me?"

"I'm not. You're supposed to look at people when you're talking to them."

"Not now. You know what I mean. You were staring before." 

"...I don't know what you're talking about." Again, he was looking away. Phil didn't understand why Dan would lie to him about this. It wasn't a big deal; he just wanted to know what was going on. Then something else caught Phil's attention. He leaned in closer to make sure, leaned in even farther when Dan started to pull away a bit at the proximity. 

"Are you...blushing?" 

"What? No!" But the question only made Dan blush more. His voice even went up an octave like the way it did when he was either creeped out, frustrated, or nervous. 

Phil laughed. "Yeah, you are! Calm down, you're starting to look like a tomato." 

That comment earned him the classic Dan comeback of 'shut up.' It only made Phil laugh harder. He didn't even bother trying to cover his mouth when his tongue poked out. Dan suddenly went quiet, his laughs stopping. Phil noticed he was staring again. There was something about Dan's eyes that was different now and Phil stared back at him trying to figure it out. What was making Dan look at him like that? 

No one was laughing anymore and Phil just gave up trying to understand what was going on. For some reason, he caught himself smiling at Dan instead. He smiled back showing off that lone dimple Phil was secretly fascinated by. 

It caught him by surprise when his heartbeat picked up and butterflies started to go crazy in his stomach. He had always been comfortable around Dan so why would he be nervous now? 

"See? Now you're staring," Phil whispered.

"Hmm...so are you," Dan whispered back. Then he wrenched his gaze away from Phil and the moment was over. "I think I'm going to go to bed. G'night Phil." 

That was alarming for more than one reason. Dan was an owl who stayed up late almost every night and now he was going to bed before 9. They hadn't finished their collab video and he wouldn't even look at Phil. "Dan, wait," Phil reached over and grabbed Dan's arm to stop him from making a hasty retreat. "Are you all right? Is there something going on you want to tell me about?"

Dan looked back at him and pasted on a fake smile that Phil saw through right away. "Nothing, I'm just tired. What's with you getting all serious? We can finish the video tomorrow." Phil calmly looked back at him even as he could feel his eyes glassing over a little with hurt. 

"You're lying. It's me Dan, you can tell me anything." Dan's smile fell away and he looked down again. Whatever was going on had to be a big deal for him to go this quiet. 

"I...I can't." Phil felt like he'd been slapped and he quickly turned away so Dan wouldn't see just how much he'd hurt him with those words. 

_Just act cool and give him time._

He took a deep breath before he spoke. "Fine then. Good night, Dan." He walked off to his bedroom without another word. He didn't dare to look back because he could feel his eyes start to tear a little and it only made him angry. He didn't want Dan to see him cry over something so stupid. So he locked his bedroom door, swiped furiously at his eyes, and sat cross-legged on his bed trying to calm himself down.


	2. Chapter 2

After a minute of deep breathing and closing his eyes, he started to feel a bit better. Dan hadn't come after him, but that was all right. At least he hadn't seen how hurt Phil was. Phil got up off his bed and grabbed a wet wipe from his drawer to get rid of his cat whiskers. He was looking in the mirror to make sure he got rid of it all when he heard a tiny knock on his door. 

"Phil," Dan's hesitant voice was hard to hear, "can I come in?" 

Phil wanted to refuse because he wasn't sure if he could face Dan right now. He hated how much one sentence from Dan could hurt him so much, but it had. 

"Phil, I'm sorry. Please?" Well, now Phil couldn't bring himself to say no. Taking another deep breath, he opened the door to a cat-whisker-less and drooping Dan. He seemed to be wilting right there, small and unhappy. Phil didn't like when Dan was sad. He wanted to make it better.

Dan looked up into Phil's eyes. It felt strange to Phil since Dan had been taller than him for years now and usually had to look down a little. It made him seem even younger, more vulnerable, a lot more like the Dan he first met. "I'm sorry," he breathed. Phil said nothing, embracing him instead. Dan tensed immediately, but hugged his best friend back a second later.

"I forgive you." Phil reluctantly let Dan go and stepped back to look at him again. He was still drooping, but there was relief and worry in his eyes now instead of sadness. Again, he wouldn't look at Phil. "Yes." 

Dan was confused. "What?" 

"Yes, you can come in now," Phil said, smiling softly. 

"Oh, I forgot about that." 

Dan awkwardly shuffled into the room while keeping his gaze on the carpet, but Phil noticed there was only a moment of hesitation before his flatmate planted himself on his bed. At least it wasn't so painfully awkward that Dan would just stand there, but that thought wasn't very comforting. 

Hoping to lead by example, Phil immediately sat right next to Dan and made sure their legs touched - it was the usual spacing between them whenever they sat together. Dan seemed to get the message and finally dared to look his best friend in the eyes again. This was Phil letting him know that everything was okay, that _they_ were okay. He wasn't mad and there was no reason to be uncomfortable now.

A corner of Dan's lips curled up briefly to form the tiniest of smiles. If they hadn't been sitting so close, Phil would've missed it entirely. The silence stretched between them as Phil waited patiently for Dan to say something. As eloquent as Dan's words tended to be, whatever he said often came out very awkward, wrong, humiliating, or simply misunderstood. He was trying to watch what he would say, struggling to come up with the right words to explain everything. 

"I...um...I can explain." 

"Okay." Phil waited.

"..."

He waited.

"......"

And waited. 

He was getting a little tired of waiting-

"It wasn't you- well no, it _was_ you - _is_ you - wait, no!" 

"...What?" Phil was confused. Dan was mortified. _Hey world, do a cripplingly awkward twat a favor and end now._

Phil could see how much he was struggling with this. "You don't have to tell me. We can just forget-" 

"No!" Dan's cheeks turned red in embarrassment at his sudden outburst. It took a moment for Phil to get over the shock of it.

"Umm...okay then." Now Phil was the one staring at his flatmate. 

Dan took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again he was still blushing, but now his eyes were determined and steadily locked on Phil's face. 

"I wasn't staring at you because there's anything wrong with you. I've just been really distracted by you lately. I don't know why, but you'll suddenly do something and I start staring because I find it distracting."

"Oh, what do I do that distracts you?" 

"It's not one specific thing. It..." Dan started gesturing vaguely, "changes." 

"Then what am I supposed to do to fix it?"

"Nothing. Like I said, it's not you as in it's not your fault even though it _is_ you who's distracting me." Phil, who hardly ever blinked, currently had fluttering eyelashes. 

"Confused?" Phil nodded so Dan rephrased. 

"This problem is _my_ fault not yours. I'll fix it. Just keep being Phil and I'll try to avoid getting distracted by you and staring." 

Phil looked down and mumbled. "Sorry..." 

Dan forgot his embarrassment and chuckled in disbelief. "What are you apologizing for, you twat?" 

"I don't know. Figured it must be annoying to keep getting distracted by someone. Like trying to do work when someone's blasting music in your ears."

"Hmm...more like trying not to freak out when some peasant is breathing on my neck." 

Phil smiled. "Like trying to read the album chart on live radio while your flatmate puts ice cubes down your shirt."

"Or trying to get through the day without you or your things getting covered in cat stickers by your flatmate." Phil acted offended.

"Hey, it improves it!" 

"No, it really doesn't." Dan smiled.

"Well, it's got to be better than trying not to laugh while using photobooth..." Both boys went into a laughing fit as memories of taping that tag together came flooding back. They had horrifically failed that challenge. 

" _Yeah, you like that Katie?_ " Dan said, mimicking Phil from that time. "Oh god, that sounded so _wrong_ when you said that." Phil just laughed. 

"I didn't mean anything rude by it. You're the one who cursed while falling off the moon!" His flatmate smirked. 

"Of course I cursed. I'd just fallen off the moon for fuck's sake!"

"Dan, language!" Dan just giggled before letting out a completely unapologetic sorry.

The silence stretched on again, but it was a comfortable silence this time. It was funny how nothing had changed. The problem wasn't fixed and Dan would still be staring at him, but that didn't matter. Just talking to Dan and knowing why he stared, even if it didn't make much sense, made Phil feel better. 


	3. Chapter 3

It was good that they'd talked before bed or they might have had trouble sleeping. Phil let out a squeak in the calm. 

"Tired?" Dan asked knowingly. His best friend nodded and yawned again.

"What time is it?" 

Dan glanced over at the clock on the bedside table next to him. "Mmm...'bout twenty minutes until ten." It was too early. They'd be lucky to get to bed by one in the morning on most days, but for some reason, Phil felt drained. At least he was still in pajamas since he hadn't left the flat today. 

Deciding that anything else could wait until tomorrow, Phil laid back on his bed and burrowed his head into a pillow, leaving an amused Dan to look at him. He mumbled lazily into the cloth.

"What'd you say?" Dan asked, smiling and leaning in a little more to try and hear him. 

"I'm tired," he heard Dan chuckle, "can you turn off the light?" 

"I'm not your slave! Get up and do it yourself." Phil shifted just enough to look up at his teasing best friend with overly pleading blue eyes. 

"Please?" 

Dan's grin fell away and his eyes glazed over a bit as he stared down at Phil. It wasn't fair. No one's eyes should be that beautiful. Then he realized he was getting distracted again and wrenched his gaze away. He sighed heavily as if this was a tremendously difficult task that Phil was asking of him. 

"Fine." Dan got up and flipped the light switch off with a click. The room plunged into darkness. The door was just a foot away and he hesitated wondering whether or not he should leave. He could hear Phil sigh in contentment and calm from the bed. It was so tempting to stay.

"Thanks," Phil murmured, his voice already low and husky from rest. Dan nodded before realizing Phil couldn't see him in the dark. 

"You're welcome." Frustrated with himself, but knowing he really couldn't help it, he gingerly made his way back to the bed. He still managed to stub his toe on the way there and cursed under his breath. There was a soft sound of amusement, almost like a laugh, coming from the bed. Dan's eyes adjusted enough in the darkness to see the faint outline of Phil stretched out on his sheets. He mentally chastised himself for staring again and swallowed nervously as he sat next to him. 

Another contented sigh broke through the silence as Phil snuggled just a bit closer to Dan who had reached down almost instinctively to comb a gentle hand through Phil's hair. Dan could feel the warmth of Phil's deep, even breathing on his skin. After a while, he figured he must have fallen asleep, but then Phil whispered again. 

"Are you staying?" Dan froze not knowing how to answer and Phil nuzzled just a bit into his stilled hand like a cat to get him to keep combing through his hair. Dan wouldn't have been surprised if Phil started purring at this point. He smiled at his friend's small and childlike gestures. 

"Did you want me to?" he asked quietly, trying not to break this perfect calm between them. There was no answer except for a deep and relaxed exhale. Maybe he was finally asleep now. That meant there was no harm in getting a little distracted, just for a while, so Dan took this opportunity to look down at Phil. It wasn't easy to see in the darkness, so he gently scooted off the mattress and kneeled down by the bed until Phil was at eye level. 

Dan didn't get to see Phil asleep that often, but he knew he would never get tired of seeing it - dark and slightly messy hair framing a calm face, long eyelashes from closed eyes resting on pale skin, lips curled up almost imperceptibly at the corners to form a peaceful smile, fingers curled softly into relaxed hands, and the mesmerizing rise and fall of a chest caused by deep and even breathing. He gently ran his hand through Phil's hair again. A soft sigh escaped his friend's lips even in sleep. It was far too tempting to stay. 

Without even thinking about it, Dan leaned over and laid a gentle kiss on top of his best friend's head. Right now Phil was asleep and everything was peaceful. He'd better leave before he did something to ruin that. He whispered into the darkness, "Good night, Phil."  
With that, he carefully removed his hand from Phil's hair and silently made his way out the door and to his own bedroom. 


	4. Chapter 4

Sunlight streamed through the window and fell over Phil's face. He blinked at the light and groaned before snuggling further into his pillow. It was too early. Then again, he had gone to bed early... He rolled over to glance at his bedside clock. It was eight in the morning, which meant he'd already slept for about ten hours and he really didn't have an excuse to sleep in. _Guess it's time to get up..._

Phil sat up in bed and stretched, letting out a squeaky yawn. He rubbed his face and eyes trying to wake himself up. One quick glance around his room and he noticed that Dan wasn't here with him. He must have gone back to his own bedroom last night. 

Phil's cheeks started burning at the slight disappointment he felt. He was embarrassed that he'd kind of, maybe just slightly, wanted Dan to stay with him. It didn't make any sense because Dan had stayed with him before. Best friends tended to have sleep overs or late nights talking and whatnot in each other's bedrooms. It was normal, but neither of those things had happened. Dan hadn't even stayed and it was relatively early in the evening when his friend was in his room last night. Phil hadn't been embarrassed about these things before so he shouldn't be embarrassed now, but he _was_... He just didn't know why. 

He groaned at his jumbled thoughts. He couldn't even remember when he'd fallen asleep or when Dan left. He- _"Good night, Phil."_

His eyes went wide and a hand flew to the crown of his head. No, that had to have been a dream, he was sure of it, but Phil still blushed anyway. He looked around trying to remember more. He could see all the finer details in his room, but nothing else came to him except that his eyes hurt. Why was it that his vision was so clear and not his thoughts? _Wait a minute..._ Realization dawned on him; he'd made a mistake. 

He'd slept with his contacts in.

 _Oh, no!_ His eyes went wide in panic and he practically jumped off his bed. He ran to the bathroom and tripped over his own two feet on the way, just barely managing to catch himself and avoid falling flat on his face. One look in the mirror and Phil could see his eyes were red. Taking a deep breath, he reached for his contacts' case and eye drops. 

Using the eye drops first, he then carefully tried to remove his contacts and prayed that they weren't stuck. The left one came out pretty easy and he dropped it in its case filling it with contact solution. He was marginally calmer now as he reached for the last remaining contact. It was a little more difficult to remove, but he managed it. Phil gave a big sigh of relief as he dropped it in the case filled with solution and put his contacts away. _I'm never doing that again._

Phil squinted at his reflection in the mirror and saw that his eyes were still pretty red. He put some more eye drops in for good measure and then carefully made his way back to his bedroom. He stubbed his toe twice, but, considering the world was all blurred out and wonky, he expected worse from his clumsy self. Once he was in his room, he grabbed his glasses, a towel, and clean clothes. A morning shower was bound to make him feel a little better.

____________________________________________________________________

Dan woke up to the sound of Phil stumbling through the flat. He tried to go back to sleep, but then he was distracted by the sound of the shower running and the image that popped into his head of Phil being in it. He groaned in frustration and cursed the thin walls.  
 _God hates me..._ He valiantly tried to block out the distraction of his flatmate showering by getting dressed.  
It didn't really work. 

He was afraid his imagination would never stop, but then his stomach growled and demanded breakfast. All thoughts of Phil went away as he was now distracted by the idea of food, so he pulled on a shirt and headed to the kitchen. He decided to make bacon and eggs instead of eat cereal again. He'd made this lazy breakfast so many times that he didn't even need to think about what to do anymore. He started whistling, his mind in its own little world. He instantly put the finished food on plates. He had been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't even hear Phil come into the kitchen. 

"Is that one for me?"

Dan's heart leaped into his throat, but he gave no outward indication that Phil had caught him by surprise. He stared at the plate he'd just finished preparing instead and realized that he'd made an extra one. "Yeah, I guess so." Even in his distracted state, his mind had accounted for Phil. It made Dan feel uneasy that he'd been cooking for the both of them without even thinking about it. He handed Phil the plate without looking. 

Phil's hands brushed against his as he grabbed the plate. "Thanks," he said, smiling at his flatmate. Dan looked over, mesmerized by the smile, but then he frowned and leaned in closer.

"Bloody hell Phil, your eyes are red!" Phil sighed. 

"I know..." He looked embarrassed as he explained himself. "I forgot to take out my contacts last night." Dan smirked.

"Oh, so _that's_ why you're wearing your glasses on a weekday." Phil nodded then went to sit at the kitchen island. Dan grabbed his own plate and went to sit across from him while they ate their breakfast. 


	5. Chapter 5

They ate in silence that wasn't quite comfortable. Phil was still trying to figure out what was wrong with himself lately, why he was suddenly embarrassed and nervous around his best friend. Dan was working very hard not to stare at Phil which was extremely difficult when there was one lone tendril of his hair that had been missed by the hairdryer. The tiniest trickle of water ran down the side of Phil's face and Dan fought immensely not to follow it with his eyes. Maybe talking would help...or at least give him an excuse to look at Phil. 

"So how did you sleep?" Phil looked a little caught off guard.

"Erm, fine. Pretty good, I guess. Had a strange dream though."

"Yeah? What about?" Dan was no stranger to weird dreams. He even kept a diary of some of his stranger ones and he had that book to supposedly determine dream meanings. That book was mostly filled with bogus, but at least it was funny. He noticed Phil's red eyes went wide.

"I dreamt that a lion flew into my bedroom, put on the Robert Pattinson mask and Bella wig, and then did the Macarena all through the night. Some neon purple lion with a light-saber tail." Dan blinked in shock before a chuckle he couldn't quite hold back slipped out. 

"Definitely a strange dream then." He couldn't contain his laughter now. Phil started laughing just as hard and wondered where the heck that had come from. Of course, that hadn't been his dream at all. It had really been about Dan whispering good night to him and kissing his head before he left last night, but he wasn't about to tell his flatmate that. He secretly thanked the universe for putting those words into his head so he didn't have to tell Dan the truth. He already felt a little guilty for lying though. "God, I wish I could see into your little world Phil. I'm sure I'd never be bored." Now the color of Phil's cheeks matched the current color of his eyes. 

"What about you, Dan? How did you sleep?" 

"Mmm...all right, but uneventful. No dreams this time." He'd already finished eating so he took his plate to the sink. "Hey, want something to drink? I forgot that." 

"Yeah, water please." Dan grabbed two cups and filled them with water from the fridge before returning to his seat. He placed a cup in front of Phil instead of handing it to him. He was wary of having their hands brush again especially since it could be avoided. 

"Thanks," Phil said. He drank some water and Dan couldn't keep himself from staring this time at his friend's bobbing Adam's apple. For some reason his throat felt even drier than a few seconds ago so he drank from his own cup as a distraction. He closed his eyes and forced himself to look away when he noticed that the trickle of water from earlier was now running down Phil's neck too. This _not staring thing_ was impossible. He started tapping his fingers on the kitchen island to try and focus on something else. 

Phil put down his cup and continued eating slowly. He was almost always the last one to finish eating. Dan knew that so why was he waiting for him to finish? He'd never waited for him before unless they were at a restaurant and he had to. He noticed the tapping fingers, more frantic than usual. "Are you all right, Dan?"

"Spectacular." Dan grimaced at his own word choice before getting up. "I feel like playing the piano actually. You can finish your breakfast and we'll finish filming the video from yesterday later, okay?" Phil nodded, but Dan didn't even see him as he chugged down the rest of his water before putting the cup in the sink and heading off in the direction of the piano. 

A minute later and Phil could hear Dan playing some dark and beautifully haunting melody from his room. It only made him think of how they were back to square one. They were supposed to have worked out this unease between them yesterday and for a while, Phil had believed they did. Now there was even more of it. He had noticed Dan still staring at him today and it made him curious about whether his dream about that kiss had actually been real. He had lied to Dan about that too. He wasn't used to lying to Dan, not when he had always felt he could tell his best friend everything. Everything except when he was stealing Dan's cereal, a secret that his flatmate already knew about.

Phil looked down at his food and realized he wasn't even that hungry anymore, but he didn't want the breakfast Dan had made him to go to waste. He slowly forced himself to finish everything and put his plate and cup in the sink. Dan was still playing the piano, this time a song that was just as heart wrenching as the last. He didn't know why it made him feel so horrible. The only comfort was that his eyes didn't hurt so much now. He rubbed at them anyway and was shocked that his hands were damp afterwards. He was tearing and that was ridiculous.

Despite what other people might think of him being childlike or so gentle hearted that he was sensitive, Phil rarely ever cried. Even stranger was that he cried the most when he was angry or physically hurt, not sad. This time he wasn't hurt and he didn't feel angry. What was it then? Maybe his eyes were still hurting enough to make him tear. Maybe it was the enchanting piano music that was bringing out this sort of reaction. 

Now Phil knew he was lying to himself as well. The tears were about Dan, how they had lied to each other, how things were different between them, how confused Phil's feelings toward him now were, and how he could feel Dan's own confusion and worry as well through every note he played on those piano keys. 

Phil took in a deep breath to calm himself down. He was tearing yes, but that was mildly acceptable. What wasn't acceptable was breaking down crying in the kitchen over something he was sure he could fix. So he gritted his teeth, clenched his jaw, and forced himself to stop getting overwhelmed by what had happened lately. He wiped at his eyes to make sure they were dry and resigned himself to what he had to do. 

He and Dan needed to talk. 


	6. Chapter 6

Dan had left his door slightly ajar so Phil entered as quietly as possible, hoping not to disturb him too much while he was playing the piano. "I know you're there Phil; you'd make a horrible ninja." Dan hadn't turned around and the music didn't even falter. He still didn't know how his flatmate did that. He gave up trying to be quiet and walked up beside Dan to watch his fingers moving gracefully over the keyboard. He recognized this song.

"Moonlight Sonata?" Dan nodded, but continued playing. Phil waited patiently, happy to just listen and watch Dan until he finished and finally turned to look at him. Seeing that look on Phil's face, he immediately got up from his butt chair and moved to sit on his bed. Phil stood there frozen in awkwardness a minute before Dan gestured for him to sit down too. This time Phil had to force himself to sit as close to his friend as he usually would. Dan noticed.

"What's going on, Phil?" He sounded worried, panicked. Phil hated that he caused Dan to feel like that. He hated it more that it was probably going to get worse before it got better. 

"Things are different now. Between us, I mean." Dan opened his mouth- "Don't deny it, we both know it's true." He really looked panicked now. 

"Phil, it's only been a few hours. I know it bothers you, but I'm working on it. I'll fix it just please don't-" Phil's eyes widened. 

"No! Dan, this isn't about you staring. I don't mind it, not really. I just wanted to know why you did it and you already told me." His flatmate instantly looked calmer. 

"Then what...?"

"I lied to you." Phil's voice was barely above a whisper. "We've been lying to each other and I hate it. That's not how we were and it's not how we should be, not with each other. We're best friends." 

"We _are_ best friends. That doesn't mean we have to tell each other everything. Maybe some things are better left unsaid." Something about the way he said that last part made Phil hesitate. His resolve wavered, but only for a moment.

"Maybe, but it's only been less than an hour since I lied to you and the guilt is already eating me alive. I need to tell you about my dream." 

One elegant eyebrow arched up in question, "You mean that weird one you were talking about this morning?" 

"No. Well, yeah... I didn't really dream about a neon purple lion with a light-saber tail doing the Macarena all through the night in my room while wearing the Edward Cullen mask and Bella wig. I made that up." Dan blinked.

"You _made that up?_ How did you even-"

"I don't know, that's not the point! I'm saying that I lied about that dream to cover up my real one." Phil hesitated again before adding, "About you." Dan's eyebrows flew up to his hair line, his mouth gaping. He eventually pulled himself together and looked Phil over. His friend looked uncomfortable with the silence.

"You...were we...was it an erotic dream-" Phil's face flushed scarlet, much more uncomfortable and embarrassed now than before. Dan was afraid his friend was going to faint. 

" _NO!_ It wasn't like that!" How could Dan even think that? He was so humiliated. Dan couldn't even believe he'd said that himself. It was never safe to say what was on his mind. He put his hands up and scooted a bit further from Phil, giving him some space to calm down.

"Okay, god Phil, don't get all worked up. I was just asking! You wanted us to be honest with each other." A light blush fell on Dan's cheeks too, but Phil was freaking out too much to notice. 

"Well, _you're_ the one who said some things are better left unsaid! I think that question was one of those things." His face still felt hot, but he managed to look Dan in his remorseful and equally embarrassed eyes. 

"Too late for that." Dan bit his lip, not sure about where this conversation was heading. "What did you dream about me then?" His heart was starting to pound almost painfully against his ribs. He didn't know if it was from nervousness, fear, or something else. Phil was awfully quiet for a minute while working up the courage to say what he needed to.

"It was nothing like that, but..." he looked away. "I dreamt that you whispered good night to me and kissed me before you left last night." Dan swallowed and fought not to start panicking again. He froze as Phil looked up at him warily, searching his face for answers. _No, he was supposed to be asleep!_ This couldn't be happening.

"Dan, was I really dreaming?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just in case you didn't know, there is a superstitious saying that an angel is passing over the area when there's some sudden silence. Hopefully, this note will make a couple parts of this chapter less confusing for some people. :)

If one angel passing over equaled one moment of quiet, then there had to be thousands of angels passing over the flat right now. Dan was utterly motionless, a perfect statue of wide-eyed panic and shock. Phil could guess what the answer to his question was, but he wanted to be sure. He was about to ask again when he suddenly became aware of harsher breathing and realized the statue next to him was on the verge of freaking out. He jumped back when Dan leaped off the bed at almost inhuman speed and started pacing the floor of his bedroom not looking at Phil in the least. Neither of them knew what to do.

"Dan, was it real or not?" His flatmate abruptly stopped wearing a hole through the floor, but he still wouldn't meet his gaze. Dan let out a shaky breath, trying to calm himself down enough to speak.

"Would it bother you if it was?" That wasn't exactly a confirmation, but the way Dan's voice came out so small and vulnerable was enough of an answer for Phil. He didn't need to hear anymore.

"No." Phil blinked, his eyes wide with surprise at his own answer. _But it's true isn't it?_ Dan looked over at him thinking he heard him wrong, but Phil just shook his head. "Please sit down with me, Dan." Like a scared rabbit, he slowly sat back down next to Phil. His head was hanging, his gaze on the floor. Their legs didn't touch. 

Phil eyed the distance between them, so small and yet it spoke volumes. Dan wasn't comfortable with him. Dan didn't want to be here talking about this. He was scared, panicked, and would much rather be anywhere else in the entire world than here with Phil at this moment. Phil's heart hurt and he sighed in frustration. This was not how their friendship was supposed to be. 

He was just working out what to say when Dan's pleading voice cut through the quiet. "Don't hate me. You can be annoyed and angry with me Phil, but please don't hate me." Phil's answer was immediate and insistent. 

"I don't hate you Dan. I never could. And I'm not angry or annoyed with you either." Dan sniffled, his arm coming up to wipe his face. Phil knew he was wiping away the beginning of tears he had been trying so hard to hide. "I miss you. I miss us being so comfortable with each other." 

"Me too..." Dan took in a deep breath then hesitantly scooted closer to Phil. Such a small gesture, but it made Phil's heart feel lighter. He bridged the remaining gap between them. Finally, _finally_ , Dan looked up. His eyes were still a little red. "I'm sorry I'm such a screw-up. I don't know what I was thinking last night."

"You're not a screw-up and you shouldn't be sorry." Dan eyed him skeptically. Phil couldn't stand seeing him like this, so unsure of himself. He leaned over and quickly kissed the top of Dan's head before he could change his mind. Dan tensed immediately and Phil blushed at his flatmate's stare. "Did you mind that?" Dan shook his head, still in shock, but looking more like himself at least. 

"Good. I didn't mind yours either and now we've both done it. So we're even. Okay?" 

Dan was silent; he stared at the ground again and shook his head.

"It's not okay. You can't just..." Phil was confused. He thought Dan would be relieved. _What's going on?_ He put a hand on his friend's shoulder hoping to get Dan to look at him. He was even more alarmed when Dan flinched at the contact and looked up at him with puppy dog eyes. 

"Dan, it's fine. I'm not mad. You didn't do anything wrong." Those words seemed to make everything worse. His flatmate immediately pulled away from him and started pacing like a maniac again. "Dan, it's fi-" His flatmate suddenly turned to look at him with fire in his eyes. 

"It's not _fine_ Phil, stop saying it is! Don't you get it? I've been staring at you for _months_ and it's only getting worse. I was so determined to fix it and I ended up kissing you last night instead! I acted without thinking. I didn't have control. You don't mind it now, but what happens tomorrow? Next week? Next month! Who knows what I'll end up doing by then!? One day I'll go too far without meaning to, but that won't matter. I'll still go too fucking far Phil and then it will ruin everything. _I'll ruin everything..._ "

Phil was stunned into silence. His heart felt bruised and it ached in his chest. Dan had obviously been struggling with this for a while. This was what had been causing all the problems and coming between their friendship. Dan had been trying to pull away from him because he was afraid he would ruin what they had if he didn't get himself under control. 

"So you..." _Are attracted to me?_ Like _me? Really_ like _me?_ Phil had so many questions about what it _was_ exactly that Dan was fighting to get control over, but he knew now was not the time to ask about it. He had to fix this, work through it with Dan. He sighed. His heart pounded in fear, but he tried not to let it show. "What do you want me to do?" 

Another thousand angels passed over their flat as Dan hesitated. He shifted his weight and fidgeted with his hands. His bottom lip was between his teeth. Then he quietly came over to the bed and sat next to Phil again, not looking at him until they sat with their legs touching and he had reached for Phil's hand with his own. His brown eyes were sad, but serious when he finally spoke.

"I don't think we should live together anymore."

Phil's bruised heart shattered into a million pieces. 


	8. Chapter 8

He couldn't breathe. Couldn't speak. Couldn't move. He couldn't think of anything except that he must have heard Dan wrong...but he heard the sentence over and over in his mind. _"I don't think we should live together anymore."_

_"I don't think we should live together anymore."_

_"I don't think we should live together anymore."_

_"I don't think we should live together anymore."_

Phil's body was shaking. He started to hyperventilate and was about to go into a full fledged panic attack. The only thing to ground him to reality was the grip that squeezed his tense hand. Dan was still here with him; he hadn't moved out yet. There was still a chance this nightmare could be stopped before it went any further. Phil squeezed Dan's hand back as he closed his eyes and tried to take in a deep calming breath. The best he could manage was a shaky inhale. His grip tightened almost painfully on his flatmate's hand. There was no way in hell that he was letting Dan go. Not now. His crystal blue eyes locked on Dan's as he opened his mouth to speak-

"Phil, you know I'm right. I don't want to make you uncomfortable and-"

 _ **"Then don't move out!"**_ Dan flinched at the ferocity in Phil's voice. He tried to pull his hand away, but Phil held it tight. He wasn't about to let it go. "Daniel James Howell, there is no reason for you to just leave!" Dan opened his mouth to argue. "Don't you start with the whole _'things are just getting worse and you'll ruin everything'_ crap!" Brown eyes widened in shock at his swearing. "That's complete bull!" 

"No, it's not!" Dan's eyes and voice were heated. "If we see each other less, if I have some time and space to get a fucking hold of myself then maybe we'll be okay. At this rate, it's a train wreck waiting to happen. If I don't leave then it's just a ticking time bomb that'll explode in my face and leave you hating me! I don't want to ruin our friendship Phil. I couldn't live with myself if I let that happen." 

" _So what?_ I already told you there is nothing you can do that will make me hate you, Dan. We'll get through it. The solution isn't to _move out._ Is that what you really want to happen?" 

"No. But it's what _needs_ to happen and you can't stop me." 

Phil's gut twisted in anguish at the resolve in Dan's voice. He wasn't going to just change his mind. He could scream, kick, and cry, but that wouldn't stop him from leaving. He couldn't just tie up Dan and leave him in his locked up bedroom until he admitted he was being a total twat. There was nothing he could do. His body was shaking harder now. He was sure Dan could see it. 

"We both knew we wouldn't be able to live together forever." 

Dan's voice was gentle, almost apologetic. It didn't make Phil feel any better. Maybe they wouldn't have been able to live together forever, but Phil sure had thought up a lot of convoluted ways to try and make it work. They could have gotten a couple of those stupid matching side-by-side houses not quite in the middle of nowhere, but far enough from the city to have some privacy without being completely isolated. They'd be neighbors for the rest of their lives and share a huge yard for their kids to play in. Their wives would get along, their children would grow up together and be best friends, and he and Dan would still see each other every day. It was the closest Phil ever got to imagining a perfect life.

But that was a dream and this was reality. 

"You can't avoid me forever, you know." Phil's crushing grip on Dan's hand loosened just a little. 

"I know. I wasn't planning to," Dan whispered. A sudden thought occurred to Phil.

"What's going to happen to our radio show? There are meetings and planning for days." Apparently, Dan had already thought this through because he didn't look caught off guard in the least, but he still hesitated a moment before he answered.

"A radio show isn't worth risking our friendship over." Dan's voice and eyes said even more. _Nothing is worth that._ Phil had always thought it was wonderful that Dan valued their friendship so much. He would've been touched right now if it weren't for the fact that it felt like there was a gaping hole in his chest where his heart used to be. He felt utterly helpless and empty in the face of Dan deciding to leave. It wasn't right to be so affected, so hurt, by this person in his life. But Dan was his best friend, the one person who was never supposed to hurt him...so maybe this pain he was feeling was understandable and normal under the circumstances. _What if it's not normal to feel like this?_

Phil had always assumed that since what he and Dan had wasn't "normal," their feelings for each other couldn't be either. He cared about Dan as his flatmate and best friend. He wasn't ashamed to admit he loved him either. Phil loved Dan as much as he loved his brother Martyn. He wanted to be there for Dan. To see him succeed, see him grow up, see him happy. It pained him to see Dan upset and it pained him even more to be apart from him for too long. Sure, Dan got on his nerves and annoyed him all the time with his tapping, singing loudly in the shower, pranking him endlessly, almost making them late to everything, thwarting all of his own pranks, waking him up by pacing at five in the morning, and leaving his hair straighteners on his bed- _okay._ Those things were part of what made Dan himself. Even with all those things, Phil loved him. It was natural to love your best friend. _What if this is different?_

For once, Phil allowed himself to imagine what it would be like to be with Dan, _really_ be with him - be a couple. He fought back the instinctive denial of there being anything more than a platonic relationship between them and really let himself think about it. He already loved Dan in some way and knew he secretly thought Dan was attractive. He truly couldn't imagine his life being anything short of miserable if Dan wasn't by his side. But did that change anything? Were these the sort of thoughts Dan was struggling with? Phil loved Dan, but there were many different kinds of love. 

"Phil?" Dan finally brought him out of his thoughts and back to reality again. "What were you thinking about?" 

That's when Phil made a choice. 

"I was thinking that you're right." The space between Dan's eyebrows creased in confusion. "Maybe a radio show isn't worth risking our friendship over, but that doesn't mean nothing is worth it." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to post chapters 8 & 9 together at the same time tomorrow, but I thought maybe a few of you might appreciate chapter 8 sooner rather than later. I will still be posting chapter nine tomorrow though as long as no emergencies or something like that come up. Enjoy.


	9. Chapter 9

"What do you mean?" Phil calmed down by watching himself absentmindedly playing with Dan's fingers still wrapped up in his own.

"I mean that I'm confused and I think you are too." 

"I'm not confu-" Phil cut him off with his piercing blue eyes. 

"We're not just lying to each other Dan, we're lying to ourselves." Dan stayed quiet. "I don't want you to leave and you don't want to leave either, not really. You just want to be sure not to ruin our friendship and have me hate you. Right?" His friend nodded. 

"The only way to make sure that doesn't happen is for us to get some time and space between us. Depending on how long it takes for us to work it out, we could move back in together...maybe."

"No, we can't." Now Dan looked hurt. "Dan, no matter what we do, no matter how much space we put between us and for however long, this will just get worse and worse once we see each other again. It doesn't just go away." He could see Dan shaking, could feel him start to pull away, but Phil held his hand tight. "It will probably get worse, but I don't care. I don't hate you and I never will. I don't think I ever could, hate you I mean. I love you. You know that."

Dan wasn't looking at him anymore, but he saw the tiny nod. It wasn't the first time Phil had said it. Phil had made sure to let everyone he truly cared about know how much he loved them; he liked to tell them once in a while. Dan had done the same for him. So far his confession had been easy, but the idea of saying the next part scared the hell out of him. Now Phil hesitated and gripped Dan's hand for support. Dan gripped his hand back just as tight and it gave Phil enough courage to continue. 

"I love you, but I'm not sure exactly...in what way that is." He looked up just in time to see the shock and uncertainty before Dan tried to hide it. "You heard me and I mean it. Don't hate me for saying that, or this. Based on what you've said, and the staring and last night, I think you're just as confused about it. If we're in the same boat then there's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. We'll figure it out together, okay? So please Dan, don't move out." 

It seemed like the angels just loved to fly over their flat today. Dan eventually broke the heavy silence with a sigh. "All right, I'll stay..." Phil smiled. He felt like his heart was slowly starting to blossom up and regenerate in his chest. His relief was so strong that he ignored every little doubt in his mind and gave in to the urge to hug his best friend. Dan was shocked again, but way too tired and relieved to fight it. He hugged him back. He was still afraid, but he trusted Phil and he'd be damned to betray Phil's trust as well. "What are we going to do, Phil?"

"Well first, we're not finishing that video today." They pulled back from the hug with smiles on their faces and laughter in their voices. "Second..." He looked at Dan with his tan skin, gentle brown eyes, chestnut brown hair still curly from not being straightened this morning, and the barely visible dimple in his left cheek. He really _was_ attractive. This time Phil allowed himself to think it freely. _We'll get through this, whatever it is._ 'Friends or more' was the question and it wouldn't be an easy one to answer. "We'll figure it out together, I guess. Take it slow." 

"Okay...slow sounds good." Dan fidgeted with his hands, his bottom lip between his teeth again, and his eyes downcast. He was worried and afraid, but he was still here. They sat on his bed together, their legs touching as usual and that was enough. Phil hesitantly leaned over the small distance and kissed Dan's cheek. He hoped that made him calm somewhat and it looked like it had. Dan smiled at him, the lightest of blushes on his cheeks. Phil smiled back. They would be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 9 as promised!  
> Even though there is literally a freakin' ginormous storm coming where I live...  
> Yay, for not being able to go outside for fear of hazardous conditions! -.-''  
> On the bright side, school is cancelled for me tomorrow. xD


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just can't stay away...I feel like I'm getting addicted to posting stories here. Gah, too bad I don't have a bunch of free time to sit and write a lot. Oh well, here you go! x)

As soon as their talk was over, Dan began to feel he needed some time alone to think about what just happened and what it all meant. He used the relevant excuse of needing to shower and Phil immediately left his room so he could do so. Dan had grabbed a towel and spare clothes before heading to the bathroom and getting under the steady spray of water from the showerhead.

That was an hour ago. 

Dan was well on his way to being extremely pruney by now because the second he got in the shower his mind had wandered. He couldn't focus enough to get his shower routine done and instead just stood there thinking as the warm water ran over his skin. Phil didn't mind that he'd kissed him last night. Phil might even like him back. He'd kissed him back today. Those thoughts kept repeating in his head and he couldn't seem to keep himself from wondering destructive thoughts.

 _Did he say and do those things because of **me** , or because he wanted to?_

_Where is this going to go? What if I screw it up?_

_Why in the world would Phil like me? That's ridiculous._

_Our friendship will be ruined. I'll lose him..._

"No," this he said out loud before he realized it. He couldn't guarantee that everything would be okay, but he would be damned if he didn't try to keep from screwing up. Phil had come to him because he wanted their relationship to be honest and comfortable again. _He doesn't want us to lie to each other._ It wouldn't make sense if Phil had come to talk to him about not lying anymore right before he lied that he liked Dan and that he was okay with last night. _He likes me then, or at least he thinks he might. Phil likes me..._

Just thinking about it was making Dan feel flustered. He could feel the blush in his cheeks as he let his imagination be more positive for once. If Phil liked him back then they could go on a date. If they liked going on dates then they could be a couple. If they were happy as a couple then maybe they could be one for the rest of their lives. They would always be together. Phil would be _his_. His to have, belong to, laugh with, hold, _kiss_...Then his thoughts took a less innocent turn. His blush increased tenfold especially when a knock and the voice of the man he had just envisioned sharing a shower with one day came through the door.

"Dan, you all right? You've been in there a while..." It took a minute for Dan to calm his pounding heart and answer him. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Almost done." 

"Okay," Phil said somewhat awkwardly. He really didn't know what else to say so he went back to the living room instead. Dan could hear his loud footsteps as he walked away. He smiled. Phil really would make a horrible ninja. 

He laughed to himself as he finally finished up in the shower and started drying off. When he was finally dry enough, he quickly got dressed in comfortable clothes before looking in the mirror. He grimaced at the sight of his hair. It was still wet, but even that didn't keep his hair from curling already. He planned to fix that right away. Dan truly hated his Hobbit hair no matter what anyone said about it. 

The blow-dryer would probably be in Phil's room since he'd used it this morning, so Dan headed over there. The dryer was right where he thought it'd be - on top of Phil's dresser. Phil had a good mirror to use so Dan decided to dry his hair here instead of walking back to the bathroom. He sat on the corner of the bed that was closest to the mirror as he blow-dried his hair. A few minutes later and he could see the reflection of Phil hovering in the doorway. Dan locked eyes with him through the mirror and smiled. 

"Sending off major stalker vibes over there, Phil. You want to come in?"

"Can I?" Dan laughed. 

"It's _your_ room, you dingus!" So Phil stepped through his own doorway and sat near Dan on his own bed. He was too far away for Dan's liking, but he scooted back the second Dan scooted a little closer. 

"No, we're both clumsy. If you come any closer I bet I'm going to get burned by the hairdryer." Dan grinned, his eyes gleaming mischievously as he leaned a little closer to Phil who immediately scooted back so far that he almost fell off his bed. Dan giggled as he turned the blow-dryer off and reached for the hair straightener he'd brought with him. Phil frowned at him and Dan sighed knowing what he was about to ask.

"Do you really have to straighten your hair?"

"Yes, you know I hate my Hobbit hair." Phil was silent for a moment before looking Dan dead in the eyes and saying something he'd probably said a hundred times by now. 

"There's nothing wrong with your Hobbit hair. I like it." 

"Yeah well, I like your glasses even though you don't." 

"I'm wearing them today." That was true, but it was only because his eyes were still a little red and hurting from sleeping with his contacts in. Phil's eyes pulled at him, even through the frame of his glasses and the lasting redness from irritation. Dan sighed again and caved. He gestured at the hair straightener.

"Lucky for you, I'm too lazy to plug this thing in now." Phil smiled at him and Dan decided putting up with his crazy hair was worth it if it would make Phil look at him like that.

Maybe it would be okay to have his Hobbit hair about once a month. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N: WARNING!! MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SHERLOCK BBC's THE REICHENBACH FALL!**
> 
> If you don't watch Sherlock BBC, I suggest you do because it's an amazing series. And if you're already a fan of it, then the references in this chapter will probably make more sense. :)

It was already 12 pm, almost time for lunch. It felt like the day should be over already with everything that had happened. They'd already decided they weren't going to finish filming today. Dan wouldn't be caught dead with his Hobbit hair if he had the choice - unless he got really lazy and didn't feel like straightening his stupid curls out. Phil was an exception to that "No Hobbit Hair" rule, but even then he only got a glimpse on rare occasions. 

Neither of them mentioned their other reason to postpone filming, but they both had a silent agreement on it. The truth was that, even though they had a very long and emotionally exhausting talk about it earlier, their relationship was now defined with a question mark. Flatmates, colleagues, best friends, a couple...things were as complicated as ever and they would rather not have any uncertainty and awkwardness on their part be captured on video and posted on the internet for strangers to take apart and study. 

They would have to figure out how to relate to each other again before they go back into filming. They needed to get used to being with each other and figure out exactly what kind of "being with each other" they actually wanted. Otherwise, posting any video with the two of them together could be potentially dangerous. If they accidentally missed something that slipped out during their filming and then didn't edit it out before it went online... No, no filming today. That could wait. So they sat on Phil's bed just a while longer before heading back into the living room to catch up on some TV shows and order takeaway for lunch. 

They each settled onto a separate side of the couch facing the TV. Even though they sat close together for filming and other things, they indulged in horrible and yet somehow comfortable postures when they were lazing around the flat. For that to happen, they needed a lot of space between them so their limbs could be stretched out and resting over half of the furniture. Dan already knew Phil was resisting the urge to suggest another Buffy marathon. He almost laughed when Phil turned to him and asked what he wanted to watch out of courtesy. 

"What do you want to watch, Dan?" 

"Shut it, I know you want to watch Buffy." Phil didn't even bother denying it. He just grinned, but Dan wasn't surprised when he insisted that Dan choose something to watch. 

"It's your turn to pick. We'll watch whatever you want." 

"Let's just see what's on first." 

Normally they watched their TV shows online and only used their TV set when it involved DVDs or video games. It was too much effort for them to keep track of the show's channel, and date, and time of release, which would then also require them to build their schedule around one episode. Not to mention that said episode would constantly be interrupted by annoying commercials and adverts when they watched it. _Ain't nobody got time for that._ Dan half wanted to laugh at his subconscious thought while the other half was cringing internally. After a bit of channel surfing, they decided on watching a Sherlock BBC episode they both liked, but hadn't watched all the way through - The Reichenbach Fall. 

They watched the episode in a lot of silence punctuated by some laughs at Moriarty's crazy antics, John's banter with Sherlock, and Sherlock's unique blend of intelligence and idiocy. As the episode got closer and closer to its end, the scenes got far more intense and dramatic. Dan wanted to poke fun at stupid little details, but found that his throat had closed up. 

He had completely forgotten what happened at the beginning of the episode. Now, as Sherlock had his last conversation with John, Dan suddenly remembered the beginning with a sinking feeling in his stomach. It really shouldn't affect him this much. He was so focused on the TV that he tensed when something touched his hand. He looked over and realized it was just Phil reaching for him. He hadn't realized before that their hands had slowly gotten closer and closer until they came together. Phil's eyes met his briefly before turning back to the TV where John shouted in panic. His best friend had just jumped off the roof of a building. 

The smack of Sherlock's body on the pavement caused Dan's chest to tighten in a phantom ache of anguish and despair. His body started shaking and he couldn't understand why. _Sherlock isn't Phil._ Maybe there were some outward similarities like light eyes, dark hair, pale skin, but nothing else connected Phil to the detective from 221B Baker Street. _That's a lie._

_Phil is still my best friend and flatmate._

Dan had somehow placed himself in John's shoes and Phil in Sherlock's circumstances. It wasn't about John losing Sherlock, but rather Dan irrationally responding to the idea of losing Phil even if he was currently sat right next to him on their couch. It hurt too much to think about it. He literally had to force his breathing back to a sense of normalcy and stop himself from tearing. He was too disturbed to realize Phil was going through the exact same thing. 

As Phil watched John talk over Sherlock's grave, he squeezed Dan's hand as reassurance to them both. Their other halves were still here. They wouldn't have to experience the pain that the fictional John Watson must be going through on their TV. 

Sherlock was alive in the end, but the damage their imaginations had played on them was already done. The next TV show didn't even register in their heads as they stayed there on separate ends of the couch, their hands still meeting in the middle. 

They almost missed the knock for their takeaway delivery. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe in relationships having some emotional build-up, which sort of explains why this story might seem a bit slow. It also explains one of the main purposes of this chapter especially. I promise more things will be happening soon! 
> 
> Also, I've only written about halfway through what would be chapter 15 of this story at this point. And that's where I'm stuck...I'm not sure how far I want this story to go and where exactly I want it to end. So, if anyone has any suggestions (hopes, desires, wants, needs, etc.) for this story, go ahead and lay 'em on me!
> 
> I can't _guarantee_ that it'll happen here, but who knows. If anything, it might at least help with my writer's block or give me some new inspiration for a future fanfic. It couldn't hurt, so leave your comments below. Please and thank you! :P


	12. Chapter 12

Phil answered the door to spare Dan from being seen with his Hobbit hair. It took him a second to get up and do it because neither of them had wanted to let go of the other's hand. Phil knew it was stupid, but watching that TV show made him fear that Dan would vanish the second he let him out of sight. Apparently, Dan felt the same ridiculous fear because he watched Phil walk all the way to the door and back to the kitchen as he put down the food. 

"Dan, can you grab some drinks? I'm going to get the plates and forks." 

"Yeah, yeah. Water?" Phil nodded. That was the easiest and quickest thing to grab which meant the sooner Dan could be right there beside him. He listened for Dan's footsteps, the sound of cabinets being opened and closed, and drinks being poured whenever Dan was out of his sight. It was still a little unnerving, but the panicky fear was fading now. He grabbed a couple of plates and forks before placing them on the table. He smiled when he heard Dan closing the cabinet and drawer he'd left open. He always left those open and Dan always closed them for him. 

Dan placed two glasses of water on the table while Phil started opening takeaway containers. He quickly looked up when Dan walked out of sight again without saying a word. He heard the click as the TV was turned off. They must have forgotten it for a minute. Dan came back only to realize that Phil had dropped some food onto the floor. He sighed. "Phil..." 

"I got distracted." He put down his plate to grab a napkin and clean up the mess. 

"By me?" Phil looked up to see Dan's cheeky grin. He blushed and turned his attention back to the mess on the floor. 

"Maybe..." he mumbled. He threw the napkin in the trash as Dan laughed. 

"Well, now you know how I've been feeling for a while."

"Just grab a plate and eat." Dan smirked, but didn't say any more as he was once again distracted by food. They didn't talk, but their hands met across the table a couple minutes into their meal. It was a bit awkward because their arms were at an angle - Dan's right hand grasping Phil's left. It was like a twisted Z with their hands holding the middle together, but it was the only way they could both use their dominant hand to eat at the same time. It was worth the trouble. 

Dan finished eating first again, but he didn't leave. He pushed aside his plate and fork and briefly let go of Phil only to switch his right hand with his left. Phil had to admit it was much more comfortable this way. 

Dan sat there patiently playing with Phil's hand and watching him as he finished his meal. When he was finally done, they let go of each other to get up and put the dishes in the sink. Phil wiped off his sweaty palm on his pants before pulling Dan over to sit on the couch again. He stared at their still joined hands. Hand holding was comfortable with Dan. It sort of amazed him at how easy it was. 

"You okay, Phil?" 

"Hmm?" It took a minute for his brain to catch up to his ears. "Yeah, I'm fine. " He leaned over and kissed Dan's cheek. "I'm fine." That felt easy too. Dan smiled, a lone dimple appearing on his cheek. 

"Okay, then. What do you want to do?" 

"Don't know. How about playing some games for a while?" Dan's eyes lit up and Phil smiled. _I'll take that as a yes._

____________________________________________________________________

They played games for hours. They fell back into the way they used to play, teasing and egging each other on. Phil was particularly evil this time as he used Dan's admission of getting distracted by him to his advantage. 

"You _cock_! Stop doing that!" Dan laughed and shoved Phil's shoulder. 

Phil realized it was the smallest little things he could think of that really got Dan's attention. Sometimes it was as simple as biting his lip or smiling a lot since Dan tended to glance over at him. He giggled again and leaned just a little closer to his flatmate. "You suck." This time he won at Mario Kart when Dan screwed up. Phil went into a laughing fit. Dan felt like he should be annoyed, but he really couldn't help smiling when Phil looked this happy. Dan wanted to roll his eyes at himself. Phil turned him into a complete sap sometimes. 

"Yes, I am the Mario Kart King and I shall cause annoying wars with bananas and turtle shells!" Dan chuckled and planted a kiss at Phil's temple. 

"Can you imagine a world like that? Everyone will be paranoid and irritated all the time." 

"Yeah, but it will be fun and funny." Phil smiled and glanced at the clock. His eyes widened at the time. "Whoa, it's almost ten thirty. We've been playing for eight hours!" 

"We took a break to eat dinner." 

"Then seven hours!" Dan grinned. 

"We took bathroom breaks and switched between games and -" Phil rolled his eyes and poked Dan in the side. 

"Fine. Six and a half hours." He watched as Dan grabbed their consoles and put things away without putting things away, basically threw everything into a pile near the TV for easy access the next time. Dan stretched and started yawning. 

"Stop it, you're going to make me yaaaww-" He yawned. Dan chuckled before heading to his room. Phil heard his voice through the thin walls. 

"You know my whole schedule is thrown off now. I'm tired at ten thirty. I'm never tired at ten thirty and I never wake up at eight in the frickin' morning. I'm supposed to be a night owl who sleeps at four a.m." Phil laughed and headed to Dan's bedroom. He was already on his laptop. 

"Going to try and fix your schedule by looking through Tumblr?" He yawned again. 

"No, just checking some things. Do me a favor and turn off the light." Phil switched it off and stumbled over to sit next to Dan on the bed. He yawned for a third time. Dan yawned too and suddenly shut off his laptop. He looked like he was practically about to throw it onto his side dresser before he caught himself and remembered to place it down with care since his laptop was most of his life and very delicate. He had always chastised Phil about how he handled his laptop too roughly. 

"Screw it. I'm going to bed." Phil laughed as Dan dramatically stretched out on his mattress before muttering as he got up again to crawl under the covers. Dan felt like pulling off his shirt because he usually slept without one, but he was suddenly wary about Phil still sitting next to him. To be honest, he was a little too lazy to strip down too. _Are you staying?_ He relaxed immediately as he remembered similar circumstances the night before, only it had been him sitting next to a sleeping Phil in his bed. 

He could feel Phil's eyes on him even through the darkness. Dan smiled as Phil copied what he'd done last night by combing through his Hobbit hair. He twisted the chocolate curls around his fingers and Dan couldn't help himself from asking anymore. 

"Are you staying?" Phil's hand froze on his head just like Dan's had frozen the night before. It was nerve wracking for Dan to wait for a response. He bit his lip and was prepared to pull away when Phil's hand started combing calmly through his hair again. Dan relaxed into his sheets and was half asleep when he finally heard Phil's low voice. 

"Did you want me to?" Phil remembered. It's what Dan had said the other night. He also remembered how that occurrence had ended, so he took one more moment to look at Dan before he got up to leave. He was leaning over to kiss him goodnight when the quiet broke. 

"Yes." _Stay with me..._


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your lovely comments on Chapter 12.  
> It feels unnatural not to respond to every single comment I get, but I feel like my responses would all get redundant. Lol, sorry. I just wanted you guys to know I really appreciate the support. You're awesome! <3

He tried to catch Dan's gaze in the darkness just to be sure he heard him right, but he could just barely see the outline of his face and the body snuggled under the covers. His heart thumped against his ribcage and his throat constricted. He had been expecting to leave the same way Dan had left the other night. But he's offering...and he wanted to. 

It wouldn't be the first night they slept in the same room and bed together. They'd done it before of course once Dan had admitted that he loved to innocently sleep in the same bed with his friends. They'd had sleepovers in each other's rooms before moving in together too, but this was different. Dan sensed his hesitation. 

"You don't have to, Phil. Maybe this is too fast..." But Phil shook his head, even though Dan couldn't really see it, and kissed his temple. 

"No, I want to." 

He really did want to, so Phil pushed down the nervousness as butterflies went crazy in his stomach and Dan removed his glasses to place on the nightstand. It only took a few more seconds before Phil mustered up the courage to finally pull back the covers and climb into Dan's bed. There wasn't much space since both of them were giants, so they lied there on their sides, facing each other in the darkness. They were so close that their body heat immediately reflected between them making the room feel incredibly warm and small. Their faces were inches away, their breathing mixed together and slowly became synchronized. Still, there was one little strip of empty space left between them. 

Dan was already amazed that Phil decided to stay. He didn't want to scare him off by doing anything else that could break this precious silence and comfort they had. So he committed himself to staying still and left the choice to the man beside him. And suddenly Phil was reaching for him, a hand on his face, brushing his curly fringe, and then cupping the back of his head. He pulled Dan closer until their foreheads were pressed together, their noses brushing. Phil finally relaxed and let out a contented sigh as Dan gently wrapped an arm around his waist to bring them even closer. 

Weak moonlight streamed in from the window as they held each other. It was just enough for Dan to meet Phil's sleepy gaze. It really _wasn't_ fair for anyone's eyes to be that beautiful. They snuggled closer together, leaning just a little more into each other as if the magnetic pull between them had suddenly become stronger now that they were so close. Phil ran his hand over the back of his head again and tugged at his curly hair. He was so close now. Just a centimeter more and their lips would meet. Dan was so tempted to bridge that distance and kiss him, but it was Phil's decision to make. He waited, barely breathing, barely moving. The tension built between them until he could hardly stand it, but then the moment was over and Phil pulled back until their foreheads just barely brushed. 

Dan swallowed his slight disappointment and decided to focus on the comfort of simply having Phil here with him. Eventually, his body sank into the mattress, his eyes started to close as sleep began to pull him under. Everything faded out until his awareness was only on the gentle hand still lazily combing through his hair, the warm and solid body that lay beside him, the even breathing fanning across his face, and the silence being broken for the last time that night by a deep voice that sent shivers up his spine as it whispered goodnight to him. Everything faded out until his awareness was only Phil...and then his world finally closed in on the boy with the beautiful blue eyes too and he fell asleep. 

____________________________________________________________________ 

Phil didn't get much sleep that night. He had been too wrapped up in his own head to succumb to the comfort of being entwined with Dan. And he was afraid...afraid that if he closed his eyes for too long, he would wake up and realize none of this was real. He'd wake up in an empty flat without Dan in his arms. He'd realize he had failed to convince Dan to stay at all and give whatever relationship they had a chance. Those thoughts were terrifying. The only thing that seemed to calm him down was the peaceful look on Dan's face as he slept soundly beside him. 

Phil gazed down at his friend and felt the now familiar, tight little ball of heat in his stomach whenever he looked at him. The sensation made him slightly uncomfortable. He sighed as he combed his fingers through Dan's chestnut curls. He couldn't stop replaying their heated moment from last night. He had wanted to kiss Dan so badly, but he had pulled away. That desire to kiss Dan brewed inside him, getting stronger by the minute and just fighting to be acted on. It was as if letting his mind finally consider being with Dan had opened up a massive floodgate of emotions and desires that Phil hadn't realized he'd hidden for so long. It was overwhelming really, how much stronger his feelings had recently become for his long-time friend. Phil's mind screamed at him. 

_Kiss him. You could've kissed him! Why didn't you do it!?_

He knew he could've kissed him. Phil knew that Dan had been waiting for him to do it too, that Dan had wanted him to. It had been so tempting. It would've been easy to just lean over and do it, but he had resisted. _Dan deserves better than that._

He and Dan had only considered being together since yesterday. It hadn't even been twenty-four hours! They weren't an official couple yet and they hadn't even gone on a single date. Phil knew this needed to be done right. He wasn't about to give in to his desire to kiss Dan so quickly. So far, things weren't too serious and could be considered acceptable considering their tenuous new relationship. There were friends who held each other's hands sometimes, friends and family who kissed each other's cheeks and foreheads on occasion, and best friends who had sleepovers. This was okay since he and Dan had slept in each other's beds before (though it was never quite like this), but their first official kiss was different. It should be perfect and special, not an impulsive snog just hours after working things out. 

Dan stirred in his sleep, mumbling something unintelligible, before snuggling closer to him. It was enough to pull Phil out of his thoughts. He smiled at Dan's sleeping face; it had always been cute to him. He finally relaxed into Dan's embrace. A single resolve ran through his head before he fell asleep. 

_I'm going to do everything I can to make our first kiss right Dan. I promise._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder how many of you are screaming at me now that they should've kissed. Anyone? xD


	14. Chapter 14

It was morning again when Phil woke up to Dan still asleep in his arms, the curly hair on the top of his head tickling his nose. His face was buried in Phil's chest, his eyes obviously shielded from the sunlight streaming in through his blinds. It made more sense now that Dan hadn't woken up first even though he'd gotten more sleep. The annoying sunlight or Phil being noisy around their flat was what usually woke Dan up. He hadn't set an alarm last night either. 

Dan's bedside clock screamed out in big red digits that it was ten in the morning when Phil took stock of himself. His bladder wasn't pressing him to go to the bathroom right away and they'd had a pretty big dinner last night so his stomach wasn't growling with hunger yet. Lying in bed with a sleeping Dan wasn't the worst thing in the world right now, except one of his arms had fallen asleep, numbed from Dan's weight on it. He was itching to shake it out, but he knew he'd end up waking Dan if he did. 

Phil briefly considered risking it before ruling it out. Then he considered whether Dan would be cranky with him if he deliberately woke him up all nice and sweet. Maybe combing a hand through his hair, nuzzling into him, kissing his cheek and temple, and whispering into his ear until he woke up. Dan would probably appreciate it only for a moment though before the crankiness started. 

Oh well, Phil guessed he could wait a little while for Dan to wake up on his own. He couldn't possibly be asleep for that much longer so he'd give it a few minutes. If Dan wasn't awake by then, he'd have no choice but to go to his plan B and wake him up as gently as possible. It all sounded like a perfect game plan. Phil's calm flew out the window though when Dan shifted in his arms, bringing himself just the tiniest bit closer to him and bringing Phil's attention to something poking at his thigh. Phil's eyes widened at the movement. 

He had just convinced himself that he was imagining it when Dan shifted again, obviously starting to wake up, and ended up rubbing against him. Dan groaned into his chest, the sound vibrating through Phil's body as he realized this was happening. Dan had morning wood, had unknowingly started pressing it against his thigh in his sleep, and to make things worse, he was waking up now. 

Dan's eyes fluttered open and he mumbled his good morning to Phil, smiling when he felt his arms wrapped around him, proof that last night had been real. Phil's voice sounded a little strained and awkward when he said good morning back. Dan had been pulling back to look up at Phil's face and ask him what was wrong when he realized Phil could feel him against his thigh. His face flushed scarlet and he pulled away from Phil so fast that he almost fell off his bed. Phil didn't let him fall off though, his arms were like a vice around him refusing to let go. 

"Let me go, Phil." 

"No," Phil pulled a struggling Dan in closer. He couldn't let him go or Dan would be sure to flee to another part of the house and lock himself away in his humiliation. This was an awkward situation, but he refused to let Dan punish himself over it by pulling away from him for god knows how long. Especially not when they had been making so much progress.

"I said, _let me go!_ " Dan struggled in Phil's grip and twisted around to turn his back to him. He couldn't bear to look Phil in the face right now, his embarrassment burning at him. His own body _had_ to betray him and fuck this all up just a day after Phil had admitted he liked him. He was the worst person in the world. 

"Dan, calm down." His flatmate still struggled in his grasp, not listening in the least, and Phil saw no way around how to fix this. His own face started to burn as he resigned himself to what he had to do. He pulled Dan back into him with all his might, wrapping his arms securely around Dan's chest so he couldn't get away. Dan still struggled in his grip for a minute, tried to elbow him in the side and make him let go, before he realized what Phil had done and stopped everything. His own eyes widened and his blush grew when he felt the unmistakable sensation of Phil now poking against his lower back. 

Phil's flushed face fell into the crook of Dan's neck, making him tense and shiver at the sensitivity. He didn't like people touching him there and though this wasn't exactly comfortable, he knew he could get used to it. Phil's voice was gentle and soothingly quiet when he started talking to him. "There, better now? It's normal, Dan. It happens to all of us." Dan relaxed a little further into his hold, but it took him a few seconds to speak. 

"Sorry, I thought...I thought it would freak you out." Phil laughed into the side of his neck and Dan shivered again. It was definitely something he'd have to get used to. 

"Well, yeah, I was a little freaked out when it happened...You have the worst timing in the world, but I wasn't about to let you run away because of it. You shouldn't be embarrassed, Dan. Better it happens than it doesn't. Like, it lets you know that everything's...working right...down there." Phil wanted to kick himself because he probably made the whole thing a lot worse, but then Dan shook against him in sudden laughter. 

"Phil, please, just stop talking." Dan turned over in his arms, finally able to see just how red Phil's face was. Even with all his talk about not being embarrassed, this was a pretty awkward situation. Dan's own blush still hadn't faded, but he returned Phil's unwavering gaze in equal measure. He couldn't help the smile on his face now, his body so much more at ease after what Phil had done. It took a lot of guts, a lot of trust, and it helped that Phil was undeniably adorable with red coloring his cheeks and the tips of his ears. "Thank you...for making me feel better." Phil smiled back at him, still tentative and wanting to lighten the mood. 

"You would have starved yourself in the bathroom avoiding me, and I would've _wet myself_ waiting for you to come out." 

"God, such a romantic aren't you, Phil?" Dan laughed into his shoulder and let Phil hold him close again. It was difficult to ignore the fact that the both of them were still poking against each other, but at least most of the awkwardness and panic had subsided. If they were going to have any future together, they would have to get used to things like this. Dan was tipping his face up to look at him again when Phil remembered what he'd promised himself last night. It was most definitely not the best time in the world to ask, but he was eager to get started and ended up blurting it all out. 

"Dan, I want to go on a date with you. Do you think you might want to go out with me somewhere today?" 

Dan's smile was answer enough. It was even better though when he said, "Sounds perfect."  
And that's exactly how Phil hoped it would be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wouldn't be Dan and Phil if there wasn't awkwardness. x)
> 
> So, school kind of sucks right now and I feel like the work load is just going to increase from this point. Dx With that being said, my updates might slow down a bit more, but I'm going to try my best to keep things going. 
> 
> Reading all your lovely comments really motivates me to keep writing as much as possible for you guys and makes me feel better when class is hell, so thank you! <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it's true. This is the last chapter of this story.  
> However, I might make a sequel some time in the future to tie up any loose ends.  
> There will be more notes about the possible sequel at the end of the chapter. Enjoy! :)

Their date didn't go as planned. It wasn't ruined exactly, but it wasn't anywhere near perfect either. Phil knew Dan preferred coffee first dates over movie first dates just like he did, so he took him to the Starbucks they frequented. The problem was that he had become paranoid the minute they left the safety of their flat. 

When they were out in the open, any gesture they made to each other wouldn't be theirs alone. People would see. People would judge. People might recognize. People might talk. People might take pictures and post them on the Internet. It was a nightmare. 

It didn't help that Phil had become so nervous at Starbucks that he flinched, kicked their table, and ended up nearly spilling their drinks when he thought someone caught Dan subtly reaching for his hand. Everyone had turned to stare at the commotion, at _him_ as the massively clumsy moron who'd caused it. 

Anywhere else they went was the same. People all around, obviously no privacy in public, and...just not good for Phil's sanity. He felt on edge every time another person walked into his line of sight right when he'd started getting comfortable with Dan in a little semi-private corner of a random store. It was impossible. 

It wouldn't have to be this way if they could just be Dan and Phil rather than _Danisnotonfire_ and _Amazingphil_. Their date became overshadowed by the constant reminder that if they did too many couple-y things in public, the news could spread online...and they weren't ready for that. They didn't even know what this _was_ right now. They didn't need anyone else throwing in their two cents of speculative comments, pressure, criticism, and opinions. In other words, Phil found that their "date" was even worse than their regular days out with all the added pressure and paranoia. 

When they finally returned to their flat hours later, Phil felt disheartened. He was supposed to make their first date perfect and, though it hadn't been _horrible_ , it wasn't even to par with their normal days out. It didn't even feel like a date. It felt like an extra awkward "normal day" with Dan. Phil sighed in frustration as Dan closed the door behind him, effectively ending their day out. _I failed._

Dan heard the sigh, of course he did, and now he was looking into Phil's face with concern. "Are you all right?"

"No. I ruined everything. It was horrible."

"Our date was horrible?" Dan's voice was toneless, but Phil found himself backtracking quickly as he realized what he said could be taken the wrong way. 

"Well, no. It was all right I guess...I just wanted our first date to be perfect."

Dan smiled at him, not seeming at all bothered. "It was perfect enough. We're not in some romance movie or sappy novel, Phil." 

"I kicked the table at Starbucks, Dan." 

"And it was hilarious," Dan laughed. Phil pouted. He wasn't supposed to be clumsy. He was supposed to be smooth. Like James Bond. Or at least less like Mr. Bean. 

"I wanted to do this right and now it's ruined..." 

"What are you on about?" Phil tried not to show what he meant on his face. He really tried, but Dan had always been too good at reading him and putting the pieces together. "Wait a minute. Is this why you didn't...last night? Is that what this is about?" Dan asked, laughing. He was laughing! Why was he laughing? 

"I just wanted us to have a good first date before anything else happened, not awkward but perfect and you know...normal."

"Normalness leads to sadness," Dan smirked and Phil smiled despite himself. 

"Hey, you can't use that against me! You know what I meant."

"Yeah, I do and it's dumb." 

Phil opened his mouth to argue before Dan took a step closer to him. His brown eyes were focused on him, twinkling with fondness and amusement that Phil didn't understand. "Neither one of us has ever been normal, dingus. It's one of the reasons I like you. Besides, perfect first dates are overrated and dating me kind of entails awkwardness no matter what you do."

Dan had started laughing again, but stopped the minute he realized Phil had a strange look on his face, bright and mischievous eyes paired with a sudden smirk. It made him a little nervous if he was being honest with himself. 

"What's with the smile?" 

"Dat _ing_ you?" Phil teased. Dan looked like a deer caught in headlights, suddenly flustered and rapidly turning tomato red. 

"I meant _date_ ! _One_ date, as in single and a...uh...one time thing, yeah." 

"I'd like to be dating you." Dan hadn't expected that and, based on Phil's all too familiar look of _my mouth just went on autopilot_ , he hadn't expected it either. Dan could feel the blush still left over on his face as he considered whether he should ignore Phil's comment or not. 

"What happened to taking it slow?" _Well, too late to ignore it now..._ Dan thought he might have made the wrong move when he saw Phil suddenly shrink in on himself as if he was unsure. But then Phil was talking and blushing and fidgeting and Dan couldn't help the feeling in his chest as Phil rambled on. It was hard to believe sometimes that Phil was in his twenties, that he was older than him, because he was still too adorable for words. 

"I just said that I'd like to, not that we are or that we have to. I mean if you don't want-"

"Phil."

"Yeah?"

"Please just stop talking." Dan could've watched Phil ramble for hours, but he figured it was time to put Phil out of his misery and get on with things. 

"Is that a yes or no?"

If he said no, if this was too fast, then he knew Phil would accept that. He might even prefer it actually because then he could stick to his original plan of taking things slow and "doing things right." And it probably was too fast since they only went on one date and entertained the idea of trying out a romance little more than 24 hours ago. But then again...it didn't feel like 24 hours to Dan. It had been months of steadily growing feelings and distracted stares, even years of emotional build-up to this moment. So it didn't take Dan long to decide.

"Yeah, yes. I'd like to be dating you too."

Phil smiled, but still looked unsure. "Okay...does that mean we are?" 

Dan laughed and nodded in confirmation before saying what he'd been dying to say for a while. "Will you kiss me now?" 

"Yeah." And Phil leaned in as Dan leaned a bit down so his boyfriend ( _Boyfriend!_ ) wouldn't have to stand on his toes. 

Looking back, it's kind of funny how much stock they put into that moment. In reality, their first kiss was barely more than a peck, just a slight press of lips to lips. No big deal at all, over in seconds. But it was short, sweet, chaste, shy, and awkward. Everything a first kiss really ought to be. And that's what made it perfect. 

__________________

That night when Dan slept beside him in Phil's bed, Phil realized there were a lot of things they still needed to figure out. Whether or not they should tell anyone they were together now, if so then who and when they should tell them. How they should answer the questions their family and friends would definitely have if they told them. Whether they should tell the internet, their viewers. When they should start filming again. How they were going to go on dates from now on. Whether they would sleep in the same bed every night.  
Where did they go from here? Where would they even start to figure these things out? 

Phil didn't know the answers and that really ought to worry him more, but it didn't. Because Dan was here with him. Because everything else right now seemed dwarfed by the pure wonder and thrill of being able to call Dan his boyfriend. As ridiculous as it all seemed, that thought alone was repeating in his head over and over. _Dan is my boyfriend._ It blocked out everything else, made Phil terrified and happy all at the same time. 

And that's when Phil finally understood what Dan meant when he said he'd been distracting. Dan was so distracting now that Phil lied awake in his bed for hours. He couldn't really be annoyed though. After all, Dan had been months ahead of him. 

Phil had a lot of catching up to do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, I began writing this story with the idea that it was going to be a super long multi-chapter fic where Dan and Phil would develop their relationship slowly. And when I mean develop their relationship I meant emotionally as well as physically. Which is kind of what Chapter 14 alluded to for the physical part. 
> 
> Now, this story is already fifteen chapters long even if the chapters are relatively short. And I wasn't sure how many of you would like Dan and Phil's relationship to lead up to where it was originally going to go(smutland)... Also, I'm new to posting any work of mine online and I'm not sure whether I'm ready to start posting up written sex scenes. 
> 
> That being said, I'm open to the idea of a sequel sometime in the future to satisfy the creepier past version of me who actually was going to write out the smut. That's kind of disturbing too since I was a minor back when I decided to start writing this story... O_O
> 
> So if you read through this extremely long author's note and you want me to write a sequel sometime to answer all the things Phil was thinking about at the end of this story, then please let me know. And thank you for everyone who took the time to read through this fanfiction and comment on it. You guys are all amazing! ^ ^


End file.
